It's Always Something ...My 40th

I have sworn up and down for the last two years I was gonna be on someone’s beach come my 40th. So imagine my disappointment when that didn’t happen. You know that feeling you get when you go back and think about all the times you’ve expected to do something and something inevitably always comes up? Well, I’m that person. The Fates apparently do not like me for some reason. I’m hoping to change their minds because it’s been 6 LONG years of nothing and I think I deserve a little break! Case in point:



2006
I couldn’t go to my brother’s wedding in Cancun 6 years ago because I had just had my youngest son. Not to mention we’d just bought our house and were adjusting to homeownership. You know how broke you feel after buying a house, right? Hahah



2007
The next year, no vacation because we had to spend $15,000 replacing both the fence AND the air conditioning unit at our house. Remember that ‘broke’ feeling after buying a house? Well, apparently it’s perpetual.



2008
The next year, baby girl was born that summer and I had just started a new job. So with two months of maternity leave, I didn’t have the vacation time and nor did I want to leave my sweet angel girl.



2009
Unemployed due to bad economy and restructure at work. Definitely no vacation. Hubby’s business is slowing. What the deuce?!



2010
Found new job but miserable and quit 9 months later after realizing chest pains and headaches were being caused by the stress. Thankfully, hubby supported my decision and found something FT working at another company immediately after I quit. In this case Fate was on my side. Unfortunately during this time, I’m also paying my ex child support for my oldest that decides to go live with him. (I made more money than him when I was working, so even though I had one and he had one, I still owed. Go figure.)

2011
Managed the few clients we kept from my husband’s home business while looking for work until I finally found gainful employment the last month of the year. The possibilities energize our outlook. Now, we’re just playing catch up on finances (paying down cards, trying to save, etc.) especially now that it seems like EVERYONE but me had expensive medical care racked up this year.



2012
LOOKS GREAT! Both of us have great paying jobs – my husband has even gotten 2 pay raises since starting with his company a year ago - we’re making progress on medical bills and credit cards and have a financial plan. We even bought a BRAND NEW CAR for my husband as his reward! Finally talking about vacations isn’t so ‘taboo’. We even start talking about where I want to go for my birthday. Unfortunately, I end up spending what would be considered my 40th Bday Vacation money trying to save my oldest cat, Ashe – 12-1/2 yrs old, who ends up getting gravely sick the month before my bday, is in and out of the vet multiple times each week and passes away due to pancreatitis and liver failure the first of May. $3,000. As painful as that is to say - and as much as my husband and I didn’t speak for a while because of it – I wouldn’t change a thing. I adored him. Not to mention, my mom will be in London for three months with my sister and her family so we wouldn’t have had anyone to watch the little ones anyway.



So I didn’t get to do the big island vacation I wanted but my husband has promised we WILL get to it. I’m already planning for next year. But this time, I’m going to put money on it so there will be NO EXCUSE not to. But now I find myself overwhelmed with trying to figure out “Where?” now that it’s actually a huge possibility.

Here are the places I’ve thought and if you guys have a suggestion I am ALL ears! Preferably an All Inclusive resort so I don’t have to worry about a THING.


- Punta Cana
- St. Thomas
- Atlantis
- Cancun
- Costa Rica
- Puerto Rico


If you had your choice, where would YOU go?


Even though I didn’t have my dream birthday, I did celebrate it with lots of friends and family for the holiday weekend. It was very last minute, especially for a holiday weekend, so not all my friends could come. But those that did went to dinner where they had me in stitches the entire time! The next day my cheeks were SORE from laughing!


So not perfect, but pretty good by all accounts. My family. My friends. My health. And life on the rebound. Can’t complain. Won’t complain. For better or worse, it’s my life. And I’m thankful for it.

Two weeks in...

…and I feel fine. (sorta)

So before I get you all caught up on what’s been happening with me over the past, I wanted to let you in on what the most recent and relevant happening for me has been. This significant turn is proving to be a catalyst for Rania v.2.0.


On May 27th, during full swing of the Memorial Day weekend, I turned the Big 4-0. Yes, I’m officially 40 - on paper. Verbally I can neither deny nor confirm these allegations as I have and will forever in my heart be 28. And since that happens to be working for me at this time, I think will just keep on keepin’ on, if you know what I mean.

So I’m 40 (on paper and until the end of this post when I go back to lovely #28). Not only can I NOT believe this number, knowing this serves as a reminder that I am not getting any younger. Regardless of the popular anthem of “40 is the new 30” (you lie!) or my obvious denial, I go back and forth about how I feel about this.

Fabulous and FORTY!
On one hand – I say BRING IT! I’m still young at heart, still “got it” in most ways and I’m more financially secure than I’ve ever been in my life. (Although, ask me about this one again in the Fall of 2013 when my oldest starts college! I MAY have a different story to tell). I’m healthy, loved and don’t want for much outside of time away traveling (will get to this in another post) and my family is awesome.













I am lucky that most people do not guess me to be as old as I am. Not sure if it’s the way I dress (T-shirts, jeans and heels are my friends) or the fact that I have the younger kiddos (my older boys’ friends that don’t know me, apparently ask if I’m the big sister). Whatever the case, I don’t mind it.AT.ALL.

In one way, age ‘ain’t nothing but a number’, right? As long as I’m enjoying life, I’m happy, healthy and my mind and body tell me otherwise – what difference does it make if my birth certificate says 1972 or 1927 (and NO I’m not THAT old yet!)? We have such a short amount of time on this Earth, I have to keep reminding myself we shouldn’t worry about those things we cannot control.

Next Stop – FIFTY!
It hit me hard when I moved up into the next “age bracket” checkbox upon my 37th birthday. You know the one I’m talking about:
□ 18-24
□ 25-36
□ 37-46
□ 47-55
□ 56+

So it should be no surprise to anyone that when it’s time for the next major milestone in my adult timeline – my 50th – it will definitely be a stunner for me. I know how fast 40 crept up on me; 50 is just around the corner. Egad! Anyone have a time machine “slow/pause” button handy?!

I don’t know. Maybe it’s a woman thing? I don’t recall men having nearly this kind of anxiety over growing older…oh wait! Strike that – it’s called a “Mid-Life Crisis” where they dump their wives for newer versions, buy sports cars and act like they’re 25 again! Well, I don’t expect anything like that happen to me, but these are the things that have been swirling in my mind pretty hard and fast and it’s spurring me more than ever into action:

- My body
As soon as I turned 38 (on paper) my metabolism seemed to sputter. Gone are the days where I can eat a sleeve of Thin Mints (mmmm…Thin Mints!) and still be able to pull up my jeans the next day with room to spare. As a result, I’m actively pursuing a healthier lifestyle. Green smoothies, watching my portions, limiting my candy intake, taking vitamins and trying more exercise options. Additionally I’m watching what I put on my skin to keep from premature aging damage.


- Travel
This is sorely lacking from my life. Outside of the summer family vacations of my childhood, I’ve mostly enjoyed road trips to visit neighboring states visiting family or friends or for business trips that don’t allow for much time to visit the host city. This needs to change.

Originally the excuse was financially driven – my husband worked for himself for 10 years and I was having a difficult time in my industry in the bad economy (marketing is usually the FIRST thing cut in bad times). Now that finances are really gaining in that area, this can no longer happen. I’m planning, saving and visualizing on my vision board (as well as hinting on a weekly basis to my husband) where/when/what I want to be doing on my dream vacation. Fingers crossed.

Another reason I need the travel back in my life is because my creative spark is dying! I’m in a funk because I am a creative person, someone who NEEDS to be surrounded by “new” things to be inspired. New music and new environments have usually helped so I know this would really help me. Now…if I can just get my husband on board…



- My relationship(s)
Primarily those with my older children. Since my younger children have been born, my relationship with my older boys has suffered slightly. They are so self-sufficient, I took advantage of that and focused on the little ones. Big mistake. My oldest will be graduating next year and going to college. This has just heightened my alertness to the time I’ve wasted not spending more one on one time with them and the limited amount of time I have left before they are grown men. So I’ve started calling my oldest more (he lives in OK with his father and step mom) and sitting and laughing more with my 15 year old (who lives with me and has really been wallowing in the “middle child” abyss). They are both awesome boys and enjoy the attention so I KNOW this was the best thing I could have done.

- College
As I stated, my oldest will be going to college the Fall of 2013 so I worry about scholarships, where he’s going to attend, how I’m paying for it and what that means with him being on his own for the first time. It’s a scary thought. I’m hoping we BOTH ace this transition.

- Work
Finally I’m in a position where I feel like I will enjoy the ride come many years from now. I work with a good friend, I’m client side vs. agency (less stress and more money) and I’m back working on a brand that makes sense to me and I’m not peddling soft drinks or unhealthy snacks. Not to say that I don’t get stressed or that I like 100% about this job (because there are a LOT of things I’d still change and the culture isn’t exactly what I’d hoped) but for the most part, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while.

- Create and “Be”
I alluded to this with the travel thing. I am in the creative industry and not only that, I’ve ALWAYS been a creative person. I used to illustrate, draw for fun and just enjoy my mad imagination. With my lack of real new experiences and static atmosphere, I’ve been a bit stunted in my creative growth. Not to mention, the kiddos really took it out of me too as I was focused on them and not able to do what I wanted to do. But now that they are older, my older boys are transitioning into young adulthood it’s time for Me. I mean it this time.

So that’s it. My birthday passing has stirred a new spark and desire within me that I know will mean better things for me in the future on a personal, emotional and professional level. I just hope I’m not wrong. But, you’ll keep me accountable, right? ;)


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Well, Hello Again

Wow it’s been almost a YEAR since my last post! What the DUECE?! Really? Has anyone even missed me? Hahah! For the few that have – I’m BACK! And the only excuse I can give is that I didn’t warrant my antics over the last year to really be that “worthy” of telling. I lead a pretty boring life (at least in comparison to some of the bloggers I follow anyway) and I just didn’t feel like I measured up in ANY way shape or form. I didn’t have a new baby, I didn’t start a new venture or move to a new country or state, and family life has been pretty low key. Who wants to read about my stupid antics to the grocery store, the weird people who gravitate toward me like a small inescapable orbit or the lack luster social life I held after leaving my last job? “See Rania do laundry. See Rania make dinner. Go, Rania, go pick up the kids from school!” That would have been the extent of it. See? Pretty boring.

Besides all of the above, I also spent much of my time just figuring out what it was exactly I wanted to do with my professional career. After leaving my last advertising agency job after being completely FED UP with the agency life (primarily the fact that I’d landed in two unfortunate places back to back which still boggles the mind – does the Universe hate me?!), I thought I would just take over my husband’s home-based web design and consultancy business and work for myself. Although I still manage the html emails for one of our clients, we decided after about 6 months that it wasn’t something that either of us really wanted to continue and let all but one client go. It was just not in me, especially after he went to work full-time out of the home for an app development company. The side business wasn’t my “baby”, it was his so taking over something that was not really my passion, just felt more like a chore and a waste of time. I felt useless, like my talents were going to waste. Besides, the clients weren’t busy and the work wasn’t there, so it wasn’t hard to let them go.

Again, who wants to read about my trials as a sometime-part-time-work-from-home-mom-lackluster-domestic-goddess, right? (I’m not even sure I DESERVE all those hyphenations). But the more I read other blogs (even the ones I find more exciting) I realized, you know what? Who am I to censor my writings JUST because I don’t feel I measure up? There is a TON of mediocrity out there! Why not be just a little above mediocre? Am I right?!

Of course I’m joshing. My point with this post is so say, I may not deem my antics worthy, but what I have to say - something I joke about with my crazy outlook - just might be what another person needed to hear. I have a lot to say. As they say – “Opinions are like a—holes. Everyone has one” ;) I have one too! And I want to share mine with the world. I have a lot to address in both my personal and professional life. I’ve grown and learned TONS since reaching this MILESTONE year that I think could benefit many out there. And of course, hoping to do it with a little levity because although I can be serious…I’m not good at it for very long.

SO, there you have it. There will be a new energy here. I may be directionless for a bit, but I’m sure I will find my way soon enough and if you don’t mind hearing my stories, I don’t mind telling them. I have an idea of a weekly post involving my youngest children that I have been thinking about for a while that I’m kind of excited about starting. Possibly a vlog or two I’ll post. Also, gotta get you guys caught up on kid pictures and what’s been going on behind the scenes.

So sit back and relax. Prepare to be pseudo amazed. Been a long time coming, and I hopefully will not disappoint. ;)



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Scary situation

I didn't tell you guys about this but this was the scene just days after Ava turned 3. Something always seems to happen to her around her bday. The year of her first bday, she got nurse maid's elbow and we were in the ER at midnight until 2 a.m. the day of her party while she got it "popped" back into place. I still cringe when I think of that. I can't remember what happened for her second last year but this year tops the cake.

Ava had a very bad asthma attack. She's had inhalers which we use on an 'as needed' basis because it's never been that bad. For some reason, this time, it was so severe that the after hours facility we took her to (it was a Sunday afternoon) felt the need to call the ambulance and whisk us over to the local Children's hospital. I cannot tell you how scared I was but she pulled through it like a trooper. I hope we never have to go through that again - ever!

Now...I'm looking at the insurance statements from BlueCross BlueShield of Texas and cursing the healthcare system! I think I may need to sell a kidney in order to afford the charges. And maybe, just maybe it's time for us to move to Canada. I'm just sayin'.

Part(y) 2

I'm finally getting around to posting pictures from Ava's bday party mostly due to the fact that my mother just sent the disk to me today. hahah Thanks, Mom!

So here is a montage of pics. It was a small affair with three friends from school and the rest family. Oh, and yes, there is a costume change. She got cold after the party and my mom swapped the black dress (my favorite dress, btw) for one she'd just bought and placed in Ava's gift bag.

My "twins" 

Crazy Eyes!

My dad, Nicolas, my husband and guest

My oldest boys - Justis (14) and Christian (16)

Suliaman and his sister - he is Ava's best friend

"aaaaaahhhhh!" In the airplane ride at Amazing Jakes 

She loves to play games..even if she doesn't know what she's doing.

Even the 'big kids' had a good time
My hubby with my neices and sons in line for go carts

Wow! You mean I was ACTUALLY there, too! (lol)

finally at home opening presents

One of the gifts was a "salon" kit,
so my nieces are "doing" Ava's hair ;)

Just Me

I know I need to post pictures of Ava's birthday party we held last weekend but since I broke the point and shoot I just got for my anniversary in March (shh! don't tell my husband!) and the Rebel battery died and I left the spare plugged in to the wall in our office (DOH!) I have to rely on pics from my mom (if and when she ever shares them with me).

So, sorry. No party pix. And probably by the time I get them, you will be like "Ava who?" LOL So instead I will talk about me. Since I haven't been posting much you will probably STILL say, "Rania who?" Yeah. See? I knew it. But seriously, I'm here. I'm the one who writes the words in this little space of the internets. Amusing Rain...That's me! Wanna see my long form birth certificate? I swear I'm legit. ;)

So - I started a boot camp today. YEA!!!! I nearly died, but I did it and it was fun (as much fun as self inflicted muscle-burning can be). It's really just what I need: others motivating me. Me motivating me is just (apparently) not enough.


So I signed up for a four week session and the goal is to go two to three times a week. I have a Warrior Dash in September that I need to get fit for so I don't embarrass myself in front of my best friend and her husband, so that's another part of my motivation. Wish me luck!

Hair: After cutting off four inches (I still gasp when I think of that), I'm glad to see it growing back nicely. Before I was (starting from front hairline to back length) 23". My ultimate goal is somewhere between 30-32" which would be right around my waist.  I was 19" after the cut (5/22) and now I'm making progress at 20" (nearly 20-1/2") which is right on par with the 1/2" a month (if only I could speed that up!). My ends are still GREAT and since the cut my hair looks thicker. My mother even commented on it when she was here this weekend.

And yes, I have clothes on.
It was a strapless top.

Since cutting my hair and bangs though, I've been wearing it mostly in ponytails or a bun because I just wasn't happy with the styling but this weekend I straightened it and semi-curled it for a "wavy" look all around and it came out pretty nicely. Even my bangs. I wish I'd thought to take a better picture, but oh well. Maybe I will do it again and do a vlog next time (it's in a ponytail again as I speak.  I told you I was lazy with my hair.). :)

Life: has been interesting. My husband and I decided we were basically going to put the home business on hiatus (keeping only two clients) while I look for PT or FT employment.

source

He's really crazy busy at work now and is too exhausted from all the thinking at work to have to come home and be 100% at night, too with the items he would have to manage for it and I really need to be working WITH other people face to face and not virtually. I miss the direct interaction. The partners and vendors we work with are all via phone, chat, web conference or the occasional lunch meeting since we all work from home and that gets boring (for me anyway). Optimally, his dream is for me to stay home with the kids and run a small business if I wanted to. As for me...I'm not sure I'm SAHM material. Yes, I've been doing it now (WAHM) for the past 9 months, but the kids go to school (at least they did before the summer hit). Once they were home 24/7, it gets to be a bit much. It's hard dealing with a needy 5 year old, managing the whereabouts of a 14 and 16 year old AND manage whatever client needs exist, household errands needing to be run on top of job search during the day. So I'm sure you can understand why I've dropped off a bit from blogging - freaking no time...

source

So anyway, now it's about to get a little busier with the start of school in a few weeks. My 5 year old will start Kindergarten, my 16 year old will be going back to OKC and starting the 11th grade (let's not even START on our college prep plans that will be my focus these next TWO YEARS) and my 14 year old will be starting high school. There're registrations to do, back to school events to gear up for, back to school clothes and supplies shopping, PTA dues, yearbooks to order x3... I'm exhausted just thinking about all of this. But I'm excited, too. They will both be starting new schools so, that in itself, is always exciting. Maybe I will remember to charge my camera next time to capture it! (rolling eyes at self)

So...Not really all that I need to update but I think I will save that for a vlog since I have a 5 year old that has entered my office begging me if we can "do something".."can we leave now?"...."I'm bored!" for the umpteenth time and since I don't want to do something that will put me in jail to shut him up - I'd better get off this computer now and tend to him. We are on our way to play outside. ...See what I mean?

So I will leave you with a video of the one I am having to leave you for. My Nico-nique

What a Day!

Yea! Today is Bastille Day...um, wait! That's not what I wanted to report.

Today is Ava's 3rd Birthday! YEAAAAAA!

It's been a fun and exciting and laugh-filled three years baby girl. I can't imagine my life without you and don't even want to try. I prayed and longed for a baby girl for so long after having three boys I thought it would never happen. But I must have done something right because my life-long prayer for a daughter happened out of nowhere and I could not have been more happy when I got the news from the sonographer that "it" was a girl. I think I cried. No, literally, I teared up and found myself about to boo hoo over the news. I even remember refusing to allow myself to believe it when I heard it the first time because she was "almost sure". Well, almost isn't 100% so I waited until we had the next sonogram before I confirmed with my family and friends that, YES! We were actually going to get more estrogen in the house!

I cannot tell you how much this little girl is almost to the "T" what I asked God for. She's beautiful (looks like her daddy), she's intelligent, her smile lights up a room, people just seem to LOVE her and love being around her and she is adored by her big brothers. She's fun, funny, a little bit "girlie" and then a little bit "tomboy". She's PERFECT.

I can't believe how much she's grown over this 36 months! (yeah, I took it back to "months"!)

Me a month before Ava was born

Her Birth Day!

He didn't know what to do

 but you couldn't stop him from holding her

The day we brought her home - 3 days old

All my babies - She was 5 weeks

4 months!

Ava 7 months!

Easter '09 - 9 mons - such a HAPPY baby girl! 

Birthday Messy Face! 

Me and My Girl at her
1st Birthday Party!

Ava, 2 yo

Birthday Girl!
Ava and her favorite teacher, Ms. Laura

We had her first celebration with her class this morning and were fortunate enough to come across a Princess Tiana bday cake at Target which we doled out to her friends. She's been BUGGING me about a Princess Tiana cake for a month now since I reminded her that her birthday was approaching. She's never even seen the movie (in a house full of boys, if there's no blowing up Decepticons or Ninja kicks and moves it's usually not on) so I'm not sure what made her gravitate toward this idea so much but I don't care. My baby wanted Tiana...she got Tiana. :)

Princess Cake for my Princess

This is just the first of two cakes until her bday week and a half is over (yes, I said week and a half...the celebration continues through the 24th after her "real" birthday party - it's a long story. Don't judge me).

HAPPY 3rd, Ava Doll! You're the light of our lives and the center of my world. 

My BIG Birthday Girl!!We love you infinitely.

There's a BETTER App for that

Many of you may or may not know that my husband works for an (Award winning) app development company here in the Dallas area. They've produced apps for major companies such as NPR, Bravo, BET, National Geographic, American Express and SPIN Magazine, just to name a few. Recently, my husband's team developed a new app for the National Science Foundation (NSF). I was lucky enough to be able to beta test it during the very final stages of development for a perspective on user-experience and provide feedback on things I felt worked or didn't work or what I thought was confusing, etc.

Finally the app has launched and I am so excited about it. I normally do not get excited about apps - I mean, I have apps on my phone that I was initially excited about but the experience just wore off really quickly. I have to tell you that this time - not the case. I think I tested that app for about an hour or more and STILL wanted to play with it before my husband took it away. There is SO much content, beautiful imagery, incredible knowledge and videos that you get from this app that I can't ever see 'wanting' to put it down. Not to mention that when you're viewing the screen, it's like you're standing in a dark room with a wall full of screens, all with different content, surrounding you - hence the Science360 name.

This would definitely be a great app for using in a class setting, home schoolers, or just people who enjoy learning about things around them. Literally it would be hard for anyone to get through all of the content in one day and the content will be continuously updated.

Seriously, if any of you has an iPad. Go download the free app and check it out. And don't forget to rate it if you really like it. I promise you will.